Homeland is back, praise sweet baby Jesus for electroshock

Homeland is back, and praise the lord!

Homeland is back, people! And can you believe I cut the cord to Charter Cable? OMG, best.thing.ever. Charter can suck it. I don’t miss you at all.

So how do I get a show that’s on Showtime without cable? I have superpowers and it’s beamed into my head from the internets. (Just sayin, you don’t need cable, dish or any of that shit. Stop wasting your money and supporting corrupt, evil cable companies. They are on their way to being the new AOL, and the premium stations, the Showtimes, the HBOs, etc. are headed the same way if they don’t get off their asses and keep up with technology. As always, late to the party wearing a tard hat.)

But back to Homeland!

Carrie is nutted up again, but not really. You see, people want to assign biological problems to a trauma-induced issue. It’s not DNA, it’s not fucked up brain chemistry, it’s a result of trauma. In most cases, it’s because you come from a horrific home life and have been abused, whether verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually. Or all four. (Hi family! Your fault.)

In Carrie’s case, kak surpriz. (That’s Russian transliterated.) It’s the United Snakes of America’s fault. She’s trying really hard to be a good CIA agent, and they keep fucking her in the ass. It makes her crazy. Literally.

Spoiler alert after the cut…

The entire CIA has been blown up by terrorists, no idea where Brody is, but we’re pretty sure he had nothing to do with it. However, the terrorists used his car to hold the bombs that blew up the CIA. (And the vice president’s wife and kid, but the vice president, as you remember from last season, was already dead thanks to Brody and a wicked cool plan to hack into the VP’s pacemaker. If you watched 60 Minutes, you saw that Dick Cheney actually feared that.)

Carrie is again being butt fucked (okay, you want less graphic language? anally-copulated..howzat?) by the CIA, and they’ve thrown her under the bus. At some point, even Saul, her only champion, screws her over and blames the whole thing on her. They need a scapegoat, and Carrie is the one.

That pisses her off, and she verbally lets loose in a restaurant, then goes to a reporter and tells the story. As she’s talking with the reporter, some thugs, I mean police, come in and haul her off to a psych ward.

Now the good thing about this scene is that they obviously asked some mental patients to design the psych ward set. It’s realistic as hell.

As Stefon from SNL would say: you’ve got drooling patients, dirty pants, slurred speech, learning to suck the cocks of the staff to make them believe you’re playing the game, takedowns, needles in the arms to shut you the fuck up, pigs on the patients faces trying to get free blow jobs, and so on.

To anyone watching who has zero experience seeing the inside of a true psych ward (NOT Promises, which is a spa hotel with a therapist), it’s a horror show.

To psych patients, it’s a scene from a genuine psych ward. Awesome!

Next we find Brody, and he’s been shot in Colombia, taken to Venezuelan slums, fixed up by some doctorish dude who looks and sounds like Mick Jagger. Now what the fuck Brody is doing in South America, who knows. Is there a purpose to this?

I haven’t yet watched episode four, so perhaps all is explained.

This season is all very intense and creepy, but I miss the explosions and beheadings.

Allah Akhbar everybody. Have a happy holiday season.

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