I am a problem solver, and I always strive to do my part to make the world a better place. I am concerned about drunk drivers. Please don’t drink and drive! Electroshock can solve this problem, as it solves so many issues in the world.
It’s the “Get Sober” electroshock machine, and it’s destined to find its way into every liquor establishment across our nation.
I’ll bet many of you know someone like this poor chap, who thought it was okay to drive after a night of drinking at the local bar. He (could be she) got in the car and began to drive home, to the next tavern, or perhaps to an Economy Inn for a night of sloppy drunk sex. There’s nothing better than a hot make-out session with a person who vomited an hour earlier!
As he drove down the road, he couldn’t quite keep the car between the lines, continually swerving into the opposing lane. But good fortune intervened before he could plow into a van filled with children, and a policeman saw his erratic driving.
Next thing you know, he’s in the local drunk tank puking into a corner of a jail cell and now he’s got a “Forever Moment” captured in the form of a mug shot.
This unfortunate scenario could have been avoided with some shock therapy.
I propose that bars install a shock therapy station next to the cash register. Before someone exits the bar, he will blow into a breathalyzer, and if over the legal limit, he will be gently seated into the shock chair.
A nice healthy dose of electroshock therapy will shock the drunk right out. It won’t regenerate the brain cells lost to booze, but it will return the patron to sobriety pretty quickly.
I’m hoping Mecta will take the lead in this. It’s an opportunity to save lives, and the Nichols can make some more money in the process. Good for brains, good for the streets of America, and good for Robin’s shoe closet! It’s a win-win-win for all!
Just in case you’ve forgotten Mecta’s pioneering blend of shock and booze, let me refresh your memory:
– Mecta makes shock machines
– Mecta also makes “beverage delivery systems,” which is happy talk for a machine that squirts a pre-measured amount of liquor into a drink to keep bartenders from being too generous with a shot
I’ve always said shock and booze are the most natural combo in the world, and now it’s time to take it one step further. This is the future, my friends.
Let’s keep our streets safe. Talk to your favorite tavern owner about installing a “Get Sober” shock machine, and keep America clean everybody! Remember, don’t drink and drive – try the Get Sober method instead!