DJ Jaffe nominates Subway Killer for NYS mental health commissioner

DJ Jaffe, an advocate for forced mental health treatment and especially the FABULOUS Kendra’s Law, has come out and endorsed Subway Killer Andrew Goldstein for New York’s commissioner of the state mental health office. I say BRAVO, DJ!

Here’s a screen shot just in case DJ has a change of heart.

DJ Jaffe nominates Subway Killer for head of New York’s Office of Mental Health

(I don’t know who that Juli Lawrence person is…what a bitch!)

I think it’s a wonderful idea. Any person who has committed a crime should be given the opportunity to repent, then join forces with organizations and individuals that have the public’s interests at heart.

I have some other suggestions, and hope these infamous individuals will accept my proposals with the gratitude they deserve. Here we go:

  • John Hinckley, who shot President Ronald Reagan: He must repent, send a donation to the Reagan Library, and become president of the Jodie Foster Fan Club. St. Elizabeth’s, where he is housed, will allow high-def cameras and help John set up a You Tube channel, where he will discuss all things Jodie Foster.
  • Osama Bin Laden Junior: He must convert to Christianity, accept Jesus as his Lord and Savior and join the Tea Party. In exchange for his support, he will receive a gift bag with chocolate coins from the gold-paved streets of Heaven, a solid milk chocolate Jesus, and a Tshirt.
  • Charlie Sheen: He should announce to the world that he suffers from Bipolar Disorder, will raid his kids’ trust funds and set up a new organization called “Winning…over Mental Illness.” He will have play dates with Glenn Close’s bipolar sister, make some public service announcements (CBS Cares) and become the new paid spokesman for Abilify. He will also unveil his new Dorothy Hamill haircut in spring 2013, but I’m pleased to bring you an advance peek:

  • A lock of Ted Bundy’s hair should be used to clone a new Ted Bundy, and he shall announce on CNN that he has seen the error of the original Ted’s ways and he is a changed man. He will be named the new president of the Girl Scouts of America, by President Obama. Michelle Obama and daughters will join the cause, bringing Girl Scouting and a new and improved Ted Bundy to the world!
  • Carrie Fisher has already done so much good in the universe. She simply needs to be made Queen of America.


  1. Jaffe's Biggest Fan says

    Dear Webmistress,

    Do you have information on exactly how far DJ Jaffe had to reach up Andrew Goldstein’s ass to make that puppet talk? Inquiring minds want to know. Was it elbow deep, up to the shoulder? Or did DJ have to put his head up there and shout?

    I await your insightful response with bated breath.

  2. Shock Girl says

    I’m afraid to say that all it took was a care package filled with snacks and porn. Goldstein was easily purchased for some Doritos and a Hustler.

    Remember this the next time you want results!

    I’m thinking of sending John Hinckley a gift basket that includes a DVD of the Golden Globes. He’ll love Jodie Foster’s big speech.

    • says

      The sadness in Bristol’s eyes is paltable.Felicipy, a number of liveblog commenters noted this in a non-snarky way last night. It only increases my disgust with her mother, for dragging the family into the national spotlight. Now, I know they have TV and the Internet in Alaska. I also know Sarah isn’t one bit naive about the media. I’ve read the same email from the Wasillan that you received. Sarah Palin is considered smart and savvy by those who’ve known her for years.

      • says

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